I have always lived in the realm of fear. I've always been afraid of someone and never believed in my own talent. Every step of the way, someone has told me that I'm not good enough.
I remember one moment very clearly. I was excelling in 9th grade biology. I understand the material and would get 100% on the test. One day this girl (who was supposed to be a friend) made a comment that discouraged me. She said "How can you being so well on the test when you never do your homework? It must be luck". I felt like she was right, there was no way I could be smart. So I ended up failing after that. People could never believe that I was smart. In college, my business school advisor told me I should do international business because I couldn't handle accounting. Even when I would get 100% on test, she was shocked.
I have always had to work extra hard in my life to prove to people that I am smart, that I am competent, that I am knowledgable. Honestly, as I get older I care less about proving anything. I am who I am. My whole life has been managed and influenced by other people. It's time I start loving who I am.
I'm starting to accept more that I don't know the answers. I don't know what I want to do. I just know that I like some things and I don't like other things. I'm still learning to be myself. I have nothing to prove. I am wonderful as I am.